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Have you ever been asked, whether directly or indirectly, to become less than who you are or to minimize parts of your personality, your power, your influence, or your skills? In other words, has anyone ever asked you to stop shining so brightly?

We live in a world where it’s become far too common for people living in the shadows to sabotage those shining bright. It’s time to recognize the shadow dwellers for who they are and remember that the shadows are not your home.

I’m Responsible for Making Myself Small

I’m an enneagram nine. On the whole, there are some consistent traits about us nines. We don’t like conflict. We seek comfort. We want to smooth things over. And our internal peace often takes priority, even at our own expense.

As a kid and teenager, this manifested in my life as people-pleasing. I was a “yes” man. I said yes because I wanted to keep the peace, internally and externally. As a result, I often put aside my desires, wants, and needs for everyone else’s.

When I was in my early twenties, I read a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy (affiliate link), and I think it was the first time I ever heard that it’s okay to have my needs and wants and express them. That helped propel me towards a new version of myself that was freer and more alive and less of a people pleaser. It started a journey of personal evolution that led me to where I am today.

Because of my tendencies at a young age, I often diminished myself, including my worth and value, to prop up other people. I was literally the one telling myself to shine less bright because the brighter I shone, the more uncomfortable situations might get.

My situation might be different from yours because it was self-directed minimization. However, the world is full of people trying to diminish others, ask them to be less than they are, and shine less than what they can.

I see this with my wife all the time, and it makes me angry. She’s a strong, intelligent, beautiful, big-hearted, badass woman. So, she has comments made to her all the time that have an underlying message of, “Make yourself smaller. Don’t shine so bright.”

My question is, when did it become okay for others to ask anyone to be less than who they are? A more accurate question might be, why has it always been okay to ask others to be less than who they are?

The Brighter Your Shine, The More You Expose Others

What happens when you shine bright? You cast a light into the shadows. The brighter you shine, the more you expose people hiding in the shadows, and being exposed causes them to lash out at you.

Not everyone in the shadows is terrible, but the people who push back against your light are the ones that choose to live in the shadow because it hides who they really are. Practically speaking, these are the people:

• That aren’t living up to their potential.
• That are underperforming in a job.
• That are complete assholes to other humans.
• That cause harm to people.
• That arent’ willing to put in the effort it takes to show up for their lives.

If you cast too much light on them, they’ll be exposed. So they push back, criticize, attack, minimize, lie, and put on a really good smoke and mirrors show because now your light is causing others to see them for who they really are. So naturally, this doesn’t sit well with people comfortable lurking in the shadows.

Your light might force people farther into hiding.

Some of the people in the shadows won’t lash out or directly attack you, but they will go farther into the darkness in an attempt to escape your light.

This happens in friendships and families. As someone becomes successful, their light gets brighter, and those who live in the shadows don’t like it. So they have to go farther and farther away from you to find new shadows.

This is the friend that stops calling when you start making more money. Or the sibling that stops engaging because they’re jealous of your success. Or the co-worker that begins to ignore you because they’re angry at your promotion.

As you shine brighter and cast a wider area of light, people have to go farther away from you, so relationships shift and change because of it.

Your light can be a beacon of hope.

Something positive also happens when you shine brighter. Your light can be the beacon someone has been waiting for to help them see the next step forward.

We all find ourselves in the shadowlands of confusion, disappointment, chaos, or sadness throughout our lives, and we can’t see what’s right in front of us. We don’t want to live in the shadows, but we don’t know how to get out.

Then you come along, and you shine so bright that it gives us enough light to see the next step, and then the next, and then the next.

Your light becomes someone else lighthouse. By shining brighter, you help others to shine brighter as well.

Focus on being the lighthouse.

It can become easier to focus on only the first two scenarios – those who lash out or those who disappear from our lives. Both of those situations are painful, but it is never a reason to make yourself smaller. Or to diminish yourself, your worth, your value, your power, your influence, your leadership, your love, your contribution, and more!

Don’t let the people living in the shadows cause you to darken your light because there are people who need you and see your brightness as a force for good in their lives and so many others.

Shine Bright! Every person listening needs to shine as bright as possible because your brightness doesn’t take away from any other person. On the contrary, your brightness helps us all be better, evolve, and expose what’s lurking in the shadows, and the shadows are not your home.