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Talking about the obstacles, fears, or feelings that hold us back can be scary. New opportunities, taking a chance, making a big life-altering decision can be intimidating. We have a running dialogue in our heads for all of these things. Do you know what you’re internally thinking when faced with a new opportunity or something that’s holding you back?

I say things like, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if that’s going to work out. I feel apprehensive. What if I can’t do it? What if it doesn’t work out? What if this new opportunity makes me uncomfortable or sad?”

What if. What if. What if. I often let the “what ifs” scare me into feeling overwhelmed, letting them dictate what I do next.

The underlying feeling behind most “what ifs” is fear. It can manifest as tension or anxiety and convince us that this new thing might kill us. I’ve seen this play out many times with people. They use language to describe their thoughts, basing the root of their thinking on the idea that they won’t survive this. It will kill them if they have to deal with sadness, grief, pain, loss, tragedy, anxiety, discomfort, conflict, and tension.

A mantra to remind us of truth

I’ve adopted a mantra lately to combat these thoughts that hold me back. (I can’t claim this as mine, but I’m not sure where it originated.) My mantra is this: I have a 100% survival success rate. Likewise, you have a 100% success rate.

How many times have you heard someone say, “Oh man, that’s just gonna kill me.” Whether or not someone means it literally (which I’d argue is rare), it still points to an internal process happening behind the scenes. You think whatever’s about to happen will be too much to handle, and it’s going to kill you. But, my friend, you have a 100% survival success rate. How do I know that? Because you’re still here.

Every awful, terrible moment and heartbreaking tragedy that you’ve experienced, you’ve also survived. So, if you’ve survived it before, you can undoubtedly survive it again.

I’d bet you can think of a situation, decision, or opportunity that was exciting but knew it would also make you uncomfortable at times. There might be tension or even conflict. Maybe the beginning steps weren’t going to feel good, so you don’t do it. Even though the long-term benefit outweighs the negatives, your fear-based thoughts stop you.

You don’t think you’re going to make it through, but you will. You have a 100% survival success rate, which is pretty good odds.

Your feelings can’t kill you

New situations are scary. New relationships are scary. Fear is debilitating. The hard emotions are hard for a reason. Most of us wouldn’t choose to live in uncomfortable emotions. But feeling your feelings can’t kill you. It’s important to understand that emotions aren’t assassins. They’re guides. Every emotion and feeling you’ve encountered up to this point, you’ve survived, which proves that you can survive bad feelings and negative thoughts. You are the unrefutable proof.

Everything you’ve experienced in the past, you’ve survived. All the trauma you’ve experienced, you’ve survived. All the grief you’ve experienced, you’ve survived. You’ve survived all the conflict, tension, anxiety, depression, pain, sadness, missed opportunities, lost opportunities, broken hearts, and broken relationships. Every time your world crumbled and you hit rock bottom, you survived.

Give yourself some credit

You are so much stronger and more capable than you give yourself credit for. Whenever you think about an upcoming conflict or tension and allow your thoughts to convince you that you won’t survive, you dismiss your capability and strength.

We don’t want to ignore our feelings, but we can shift our thoughts surrounding them. For example, rather than immediately jumping to “I can’t survive this” in response to discomfort, we can remind ourselves that we have a 100% survival rate.

I hate conflict and tension. (Where are my enneagram 9’s at?) However, I have experienced tension and uncomfortable situations that I thought would kill me in my lifetime. But, spoiler alert, they didn’t. I survived. Now, having reminded me that I survived everything this far, I’m less anxious about tension or conflict.

I more quickly recognize my strength and ability to lean into the discomfort quickly and do what I need to do. I spend much less time in agony because I remember that I have a 100% survival success rate.

Separate the situation and your response

There is no way to avoid everything in life that makes us uncomfortable, scared, anxious, or whatever this looks like for you. However, the next time you face a potentially uncomfortable situation, you can put aside your anxiety-producing response and remind yourself that you will make it through.

The hard situation is separate from your response. Your response is the part of you that thinks and feels like you won’t survive this. So, on top of the actual situation, which is difficult, you have another layer which is your response. When you think you won’t survive, your response only adds to the fear, discomfort, anxiety, etc. Your response is like a wet blanket that adds unnecessary emotional and mental anguish. All of the energy that you need to get through the hard thing is going towards your emotional and mental response instead of dealing with the situation itself.

When you start to apply the mantra, “I have a 100% survival success rate,” you throw off the wet blanket, and suddenly all of your energy can go towards whatever the situation is.

I hope you see that you have a 100% survival success rate, and no matter what you have to face in this upcoming day, week, month, or year, you will survive it. You are living proof, and the odds are ever in your favor.