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Sometimes, we fantasize about starting over. Packing up, moving somewhere new, leaving all the complications behind. We picture ourselves sipping drinks by the ocean, finally free from the chaos we left behind. But what if the reality of starting over isn’t as simple as it seems?

In a recent episode of Humans, Forward!, I sat down with LaVale Reavis, who did exactly that—sold everything and moved to a tropical island with her husband, searching for a fresh start. But instead of a carefree life, she found herself confronted with the very things she thought she was leaving behind. We talked about the allure of fresh starts, why we crave them, and what really happens when we try to start over.

The Allure of Starting Over

Why do we romanticize starting over? It’s easy to see why. The fantasy of a blank slate is intoxicating. It feels like the ultimate chance to reinvent ourselves, to shed the old skin and emerge as someone new, unburdened by past mistakes, relationships, or routines.

LaVale believes it’s because life can feel like an endless cycle of obligations, stress, and routine. “Life can feel like Groundhog Day,” she said, and sometimes the idea of hitting the reset button feels like the only way to escape the monotony.

We scroll through Instagram and see people starting over in new cities, on remote islands, or in tiny cabins in the woods. It’s easy to get caught up in the illusion that life can be simple and serene if we just pack up and go. But while it’s tempting to think that a fresh start will erase our problems, the reality is that starting over is rarely as clean as we imagine.

Why Fresh Starts Often Don’t Deliver

We tell ourselves that a change of scenery will solve everything. We think, “If I could just move away, start fresh, I’d be happier.” We set goals, we make plans, and we convince ourselves that this new beginning will be the one that finally makes everything right.

But LaVale learned the hard way that wherever you go, there you are. “I was surprised at how sad I was,” she said about those first few months on the island. Despite the picturesque surroundings, she was overwhelmed with grief over the life she had left behind.

The logistics of starting over—finding a new home, making new friends, adjusting to a new culture—quickly overshadowed the fantasy of a simpler life. The island life she dreamed of wasn’t all coconuts and sunsets. It was isolation, language barriers, and trying to keep it together while her husband thrived in an environment she struggled to adjust to.

The illusion of a fresh start is that it will wipe the slate clean. But in reality, it’s more like writing over old pages with new ink. The old words are still there, bleeding through.

The Reality of Escaping vs. Confronting

LaVale admitted that while the move wasn’t necessarily about escaping, it did serve as a way to press pause on certain aspects of life. But what happens when the very things you were trying to escape find you again in your new setting?

It’s easy to think that moving somewhere new will fix what’s broken, but in reality, it often just shines a spotlight on what’s unresolved. “I think a lot of people fantasize about starting over because they don’t feel in control of their lives,” she said. But once she was on the island, she quickly realized that all the things she thought she’d left behind—relationship dynamics, personal insecurities, grief—were still right there with her. And without the distractions of her old life, she was forced to face them head-on.

The thing about escape fantasies is that they don’t come with disclaimers. No one tells you that the loneliness you feel in a new place can be amplified by the distance from your support system. No one tells you that the quiet you craved can become deafening when you’re left alone with your thoughts.

Starting over can feel like a fresh start, but it can also feel like a magnifying glass, bringing your unresolved issues into sharp focus. And that’s exactly what happened to LaVale.

The Unraveling and the Unexpected Lessons

Sometimes, what you think will be an escape turns into an unraveling. For LaVale, the losses kept piling up—her husband’s brother passed away, a close friend was killed in a car accident, and her beloved dog got sick and they had to put him down. The island that was supposed to be a fresh start became a place filled with grief and loneliness.

But through the pain, LaVale also found clarity. She realized that the very things she once saw as burdens—being needed by others, having obligations—were actually what made her feel most alive. “I learned how much being relied upon and having relational obligations… that’s the meat of life,” she reflected.

There’s something about being stripped of all your comforts that forces you to take a hard look at yourself. You realize that the things you once called annoying or demanding are actually the things that give your life structure, meaning, and connection.

In the stillness of island life, LaVale found herself missing the very obligations she once resented—the people who counted on her, the places that needed her. She discovered that sometimes the most grounding thing in life isn’t a new setting, but the people who keep showing up for you.

When Moving Forward Brings You Back to Where You Started

After everything, LaVale returned to the U.S. and found herself in a home filled with nothing but paper plates and a rental car. The house she’d bought “just in case” became her landing pad. And though it wasn’t what she envisioned, it became exactly what she needed—a place to grieve, to reconnect, to rebuild.

There’s a saying: “You can’t go home again.” But what if home is the very place you need to go? LaVale’s story is a reminder that the fresh start we crave often leads us back to the things we truly value—people, connection, and the life we thought we wanted to escape.

Starting over might sound like freedom, but real freedom is being able to face what you’re running from. Real freedom is not about escaping; it’s about being present for the life you already have.

Final Thoughts

Starting over sounds romantic, even freeing. But it’s not a magic reset button. It’s a mirror, reflecting all the things we thought we left behind. And sometimes, the real fresh start isn’t in a new place or a new life—it’s in facing the life we already have, finding what matters, and making peace with it.

Because at the end of the day, wherever you go, there you are.