Have you ever stopped and wondered why things aren’t working out the way you want? Maybe you have an idea that you can’t get off the ground or a relationship that you want to start or a business that you’re trying to build, or maybe you’re like I was, and you’re just struggling with the basics right now. It takes a lot of effort just to get out of bed every day and get into action that matters.

I am not the poster child for showing up. Honestly, I might be the complete opposite. So if you think that I’m one of those who wakes up, gets out of bed, has everything together, or that the universe magically aligns all the beautiful things for me, let me set the record straight – I’m not.

I don’t have endless energy and endless motivation. I’m not always hopeful, creating change in the world, and making things happen. I am not one of those people. So I have to work a little harder and push myself a little more than others to achieve the level of success that I want.

To be clear, I’m not willing to sacrifice the success that I want, but I have to work a little harder. Maybe you’re like me, and you don’t have that magical gift of endless motivation, inspiration, creativity, and energy within. Great. You are in the right place.

So how did I end up starting a podcast all about engaging with your life?

We have to go back to when I was twelve years old for that answer. I had one unshakable dream. At the ripe age of twelve, I told my parents that I was moving to California and becoming a famous actor.

This was my calling. This was who I was meant to be. This is what I was meant to do. I had these dreams of being in top-grossing Hollywood movies and having a TV show, and being famous. I wanted lots of money, and I wanted the rich and the famous lifestyle. That’s what I thought my life’s purpose was.

I ran every decision from that point on through the filter of “does this align with me moving to California when I graduate?” By the way, I ended up graduating early, and then I went to work full time as a public relations intern to save money for my move to California.

Finally, the beautiful day came in July of 2005. I packed up my car, and I drove across the country from Pennsylvania to Los Angeles, California. I was living my dream.

Spoiler alert. My dream didn’t work out quite the way I thought it would. I quickly went into a deep depression, which I dealt with most of my life. I was so lonely. I had a couple of friends, but I didn’t have a friend group out there.

I lived in this weird tension between complete bliss and happiness from living my dreams and total despair and depression. I didn’t know what to do. So within five months of moving cross country to fulfill my biggest lifelong dream and the “calling” that was on my life, I gave up and moved home. I moved back into my parents’ basement. Everything that I hoped and dreamed for shattered suddenly.

I tried to convince myself that there would be other ways to make this dream happen. But instead, I spent the majority of my twenties trying to move back to California and trying to recover from this failed dream, and trying to figure out who I am if it doesn’t exist.

For almost ten years after moving home, I went through cycles of depression, then opportunity. I would get an opportunity for a job, and I would feel good about it, but I would always get to a point where my inner voice would whisper, “You’re made for something else. You’re not made for this.” With that, my lingering desire to be in California always reemerged.

I kept trying to get back to that dream. I wanted to get back to feeling like I was living my purpose. But, instead, I would take these jobs, eventually put together a “Get back to CA” plan, quit my job, and go into a deep depression because I wasn’t working, engaging with my life, and my dreams weren’t working out.

As I got older, my dreams changed. I would try to find a purpose in something other than my original dream. I would make a plan, and I would plan, and I would plan, and I would plan. And I would research and research and research. I would do everything that feels like I’m doing something productive, but I’m not doing anything to move my dreams forward.

Then, I’d try to start this business, or whatever was going around in my head, but I would quickly end up back in depression because I wasn’t showing up. I wasn’t actively engaged. I wasn’t present.

I had completely disengaged from the things that matter. Then, finally, after a few rounds of this repetitive cycle in my life, my cousin came to me, and she said something that didn’t hit me then like it does today. However, it was a significant moment in my life. She told me, “You are robbing the world of all the incredible gifts you have. You aren’t living up to your potential.”

She was right. I knew I had something to offer. I knew I was made for more. But, I couldn’t get into the right kind of action that led me closer to those dreams, goals, and ideas.

I knew I would have to start showing up differently if I wanted different results.

I started working on myself. I went deep into personal development, mindset, neuroscience, productivity, goal setting, and strategy. I began to develop myself. I started to show up for myself in ways that mattered. I did this over and over and over again. All of that led me to this point right now.

I know there are people out there who are just like I am. You want more. You know you are created for something more. You have an idea or a business, or maybe you want to write a book. I don’t know what your thing is. I don’t know what your more is, but you have something you want, and you’re not reaching it yet because you’re not engaged in ways that matter.

I’ve been there. And sometimes I go back there. Sometimes we don’t know how to show up, or we don’t know what to do. However, I believe that you have something you’re ready to put out into the world. Or maybe you’re ready to be that better version of yourself.

In some ways, years of not being engaged or fully present have transformed me and given me the information, education, and knowledge to make a difference for other people.

What would your life look like today if you were continually showing up in ways that make a difference?

You’re going to have to get honest with yourself about this question because, as human beings, we convince ourselves of anything we want. We can say that what I’m doing doesn’t matter, or the ways that I’m showing up do matter, or the ways that I’m participating in life are the ways that I need to participate, but the fact is that they’re not working. I hate to break it to you, but if they’re not working, then you’re not doing the things that matter.

I know myself very well. I know where I will get distracted and discouraged, and I have learned how to set boundaries around those things. (It works most of the time.)

Become okay with learning about yourself.

You have got to become an expert on yourself. If you want to be effective and show up in ways that matter, you have to know yourself. You have to get past all the BS and lies you’re telling yourself. You have to get past all the excuses you’re making and the limiting beliefs that you believe. You have got to get past those stories you’re telling yourself and the limiting mindsets that are holding you back.

Why does it matter if you show up for your life? Why do you need to be fully engaged? Because disengagement will seep into all areas of your life. Eventually, you’ll find yourself going through the motions every day, but deep inside of you, there is a desire to do more and be more. Deep inside, you want to contribute to the world differently than what you are now.

When you engage entirely with your life, you get in tune with that voice that calls you to more. Then, when you can start to take action on that, that is where the magic happens.

Your life and dreams matter. If you aren’t engaged, you are robbing the world of the incredible gifts, talents, personality, and wisdom you have to offer—your participation matters.