We have exciting news: My wife and I are adopting!

If you’ve ever listened to the BOTH/AND podcast, you may have heard me mention and talk about the journey we’ve been on to start our family. I’ve never gone into extensive details, but there have been enough breadcrumbs to know that it’s been a journey filled with a lot of pain, loss, confusion, and disappointment. We put together a video to share more of our whole story and the path that led us to the fall of 2022 – when we finally felt ready to grow our family through adoption and are incredibly grateful to be unified and choosing to adopt not out of lack or pain, but because we are prepared to welcome a little one — with joy. 

The Adoption Process So Far

The first step was finding an agency we felt aligned with from a values perspective and getting home study approved. Our agency works in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Delaware, Virginia, and Connecticut. 

We often used the term “paperwork pregnant” to describe the many months this process took. From background checks to home visits to writing autobiographies that went on for pages and pages, to answering what felt like impossible questions about what situations and traumas were comfortable with – it was anything but easy and fun. 

Next, we started a few months of required education classes on prenatal drug and alcohol exposure, transracial adoption, and navigating open adoption relationships with birth parents. The material is vital but also emotional and painful at times to wrestle with. We keep learning deeper lessons on the messiness of life and how to create space for whatever our future child needs. 

We’re Actively Waiting

After 11 months of paperwork, classes, fundraising, research, weighty discussion, and equally weight decisions, we’re now actively waiting for a birth family to choose us for the biggest honor of our lives – raising a baby that’s been entrusted to our care. The final step was putting together a lookbook on our lives, which birth families use to chose the adoptive family. 

Birth moms use this profile to pick their adoptive families, so we talk about who we are, what we do, and the type of lives we live – (you know, dogs, stock tank pools, cooking delicious food, and traveling are all represented!) All in under ten pages total. This was no small task. 

And now we wait. 

This is also no small task. We’ve been waiting and hoping since 2017. Our season of waiting looks a little different this time around, but the longing is still the same. We’ve had an extended time thinking about how we want to raise children. We dream of leaving a legacy that teaches the next generation to lead a life built on kindness, curiosity, and bravery. 

The average wait to be placed with a child is 18-24 months. It feels impossibly long. We’re hoping our wait will be much shorter! Although we’re with an agency, we are still very open to private adoption, so if you hear of any possibilities, please let us know. 

How You Can Get Involved

We’ve raised $20,000 so far between our online website, private fundraising events, and people’s generosity, and we couldn’t be more grateful! Because of this, we’ve been able to pay cash for all our expenses. In total, we will need $50,000+, so we have $30,000+ more to go. Please keep us in mind as you consider what people and causes you want to support this year. Donations are tax-deductible when you donate through our adoption fundraising page.

Funds raised will be used to cover legal fees, placement fees, required adoption education, home studies, social workers, support for the birth mom, and travel and housing (for an out-of-state adoption). None of this funding covers cribs, clothes, diapers, or baby equipment.

The process brings so many emotions — excitement, fear, joy, anxiety — but ultimately, we feel this is right for us. We trust that wherever this leads, our family will be beautiful and exactly what it was always meant to be.

We know raising babies takes a community. But we’re finding that the adoption process takes a community, too! 

We’re also looking for gently-used newborn essentials to complete our “emergency placement kit.” Most adoptions through our agency are emergency, which means we’ll be given a 24-hour notice. Our wonderful adoption counselor has wisely told us to wait on having a baby shower until the baby is home and officially ours (and then we can have a double celebration!). 

Still, there are certain things we’ll need those first few weeks/months. We have opted for donations and used items for this because every adoption brings the risk of disruption, which means the birth parents can change their minds within a specific time frame. In our home state, they have up to 30 days after placement. Through our agency, there’s a 10% chance of this.

 Below are the items our agency recommends having on hand. Please help us spread the word! Once we’re done with the items, we can either return them or “pay them forward” to the next family that needs them. Let us know what you prefer.

• Unexpired Infant Car Seat – less than five years old (and ideally has at least one year left on it)
• Diaper Bag with Changing Pad
• Several Packs of Newborn Diapers
• Baby Wipes
• 1 Receiving & 1 Swaddling Blanket
• 10 Onesies, 5 Sleepers (gender-neutral newborn outfits & sleep sacks/wraps)
• Burp Cloths
• Heavy Fleece Blanket, Hat, and Warmer Outfit (if Winter)
• Pacifiers
• Baby hygiene items
• Stroller with Infant Seat
• Baby wrap/sling
• Baby donut pillow 

Holding Space for the Joys and Difficulties

We couldn’t be more thrilled to grow our family through adoption. It feels right for us. But adoption is hard. It’s not an easy path to walk, especially in the beginning when we have no control over anything. We know one day, all of this will be worth it when we’re holding our little one in our arms. Thank you for joining us in the celebration and difficulties. The way people, strangers included, have rallied around us is mind-blowing. We wouldn’t be here without all of you.