The list of what I wish I knew in my twenties borders on endless. Can you relate? I started my twenties fresh from giving up and failing at my biggest life goal. My biggest dream. The dream I had since I was a kid. 

On my twentieth birthday, I was depressed, discouraged, and disappointed. I felt lost. At nineteen, I had a plan for what my life would look like, for where it would go, and for who I would become.

But I gave up and failed before my twentieth birthday. The start of this decade got off on the wrong foot. (And a costly back-and-forth cross-country move within six months.)

I would love to go back and share what I wish I knew with nineteen-year-old Gentry before he set off to the West Coast in pursuit of big dreams. It might have changed things, and it might not have, but I’ve learned to hold space for two opposing thoughts simultaneously. I love my life as it is today, and I would love to know what would have happened if I didn’t give up.

For most of us, the twenties are a time for exploration, adventure, love, failing, moving, and wandering. You haven’t yet figured out who you are, even though you think you have. You change and grow. You meet new people. You have new experiences. Towards the end of your twenties, you start to narrow in on who you are and how you will contribute to the world.

At least, that’s how my twenties went. Looking back, I can see that pattern play out so clearly. While I was living it, however, I was pretty miserable. More than anything, my twenties felt aimless, purposeless, unfulfilling, and disappointing. So, let’s redeem this story and get to some of what I wish I had known in my twenties.

No one will believe in your dreams as much as you.

Let that sink in. Deep. Especially if you’re a dreamer, visionary, ideator, creative, or individual. If you have a dream – something you want to contribute to this world – you must be its biggest supporter. You have to learn how to be disappointed and still motivate yourself to keep going.

People will rally around you, but no one carries that dream inside them like you. If you ever try to outsource your dream and make it the responsibility of someone else, it will fail.

My big dream of moving across the country and working in entertainment was risky, scary, and exciting. My family believed in me. My friends supported me. I had allies in pursuing this dream, but ultimately, I gave up on it. Ultimately, I didn’t believe in my dream enough to make it happen. So when I gave up, everyone else did, too.

When I stopped believing in my dream, so did everyone else. I wish I knew when I was 20 that it’s a lot more painful and uncomfortable to stop believing in your dream than to pursue it.

If you’re a dreamer or have an idea you want to bring into the world, believe in it, even when it feels impossible. Believe in it even when others don’t. Believe in yourself and your ability to make it happen. No one else will believe in your dream as much as you, so don’t let your dream down. It depends on you.

Start saving money early.

I grew up in a family business. I started working years before my friends because of it. I didn’t go to college. I went straight into corporate life (after my failed dream). I made money long before I was even driving, but in my 20s, I felt invincible and didn’t use or save my money wisely.

I didn’t invest. I didn’t build wealth. I felt like there was more time. And yes, there is more time, but the longer you wait, the harder it becomes.

What I wish I knew when I was 20 is that investing my money is the best “purchase” I can make. The amount of resources available today to help you make and save money is endless.

It can be as simple as opening a Robinhood Investment account and setting up an auto transfer every month. Robinhood makes investing incredibly easy to start. There isn’t a learning curve, and you don’t need loads of cash to start. Don’t wait around to build wealth. Get started today with something like Robinhood. Your 30-year-old self will thank you.

Experiment more! Try new things. Fail hard.

I’m just putting this out there, but use your twenties to do what scares the shit out of you. Try things you haven’t tried. Experiment in ways you haven’t experimented. Explore in ways you have yet to explore. Be courageous. Ask the girl out. Ask the guy out. Go on that vacation. Say “yes” to crazy invites. Kiss more people. Love more people. See more of the world.

My insecurities crippled me most of my life, especially in my twenties. I hated myself so much and believed that others did as well. I carried around such shame for never being good enough, smart enough, hot enough, and kind enough. I wanted everyone to love me, but I didn’t love me, resulting in crippling insecurity.

Instead of trying new things, dating more people, traveling the world, experimenting, and telling my crushes that I liked them, I stayed small. I played small. I kept to myself. I hid behind a fake confidence that attracted people to me, but then I kept them at a distance.

God, I wish I would have said “yes” to more. “Yes” to more adventure. More love. More intimacy. More connection. More opportunities. I wish I had been more courageous and bold and pursued what I wanted.

Coming off a big failure at 19, I didn’t want to fail at anything – work, relationships, friendships, opportunities- so I didn’t go much outside my comfort zone. I stayed with the safe boundary lines. And I missed out on so much.

What I wish I knew when I was 20 is that it’s okay to try, to experiment, to be imperfect, and most of all, it’s okay to fail. Failing is one of the best ways to grow.

Take care of your mental health.

I’ve dealt with depression off and on since I was a young teenager, but it wasn’t until recently, at 36 years old, that I got the real help I needed. Now, thanks to therapy, I can say with confidence that my depression is gone, and I have the tools and internal resources required to make sure it doesn’t come back.

What I wish I knew at 20 is that positive thinking and pretending to be okay won’t take care of my mental health issues. I needed professional support. I needed therapy.

I tried many different remedies to address depression: affirmations, positive thinking, ignoring, denying, and pretending. I tried diet, exercise, and natural supplements. I tried anti-depressants, which have helped occasionally, but I needed to do the damn work of healing myself, and I needed a therapist to help guide me.

Whatever stigma you’ve attached to therapy needs to be dropped. Therapy is one of the most valuable tools at your disposal to address mental health. If you’re nervous about meeting with a therapist in person, try something like Talkspace, which connects with a licensed therapist for care over your device. You don’t even have to go anywhere. You can text, video chat, and call.

Your mental health is too important to gamble on. If you’re hesitating, start by trying Talkspace and go from there.

And here’s a bonus tip: keep going even after you feel better. That’s when we want to stop but trust me, the breakthroughs continue to come long after that.

I wish I knew that you can trust yourself and go after what feels right for you.

Your twenties are when you can make mistakes, and the consequences aren’t as severe. It’s much easier to quit a job in pursuit of a dream life at 21 than after you’re married, with kids, a mortgage, and responsibilities.

Let your twenties be when you learn to listen and trust your intuition or the inner voice guiding you. It takes effort and intentionality to learn how to listen to yourself and trust that what your intuition is telling you is in your best interest.

If you spend your twenties listening and learning your intuition, by your 30s, you’ll have a really good handle on it. Because of your intuition, you will know when to say “yes” and “no.”

What I wish I knew in my 20s was that I could trust my intuition. Most of the time, I went against what my gut was telling me. I trusted what others told me was the right choice instead of what I felt was right. It didn’t always end badly, but it didn’t lead me closer to the life I hoped to create. (Side note: listening to what other people want for you will rarely lead you to create the life you want.)

You are hard-wired with an inner guidance system, and it’s there for your greater good. But you have to learn to know when your intuition is talking and when your ego (which isn’t in your best interest) is talking. Your 20s are a great time to figure this out.

Your existence makes you good enough.

If there is one thing I would stand on a soapbox day in and day out and shout from the top of my lungs, it’s this: Because you exist, you are enough. Period. End of sentence. No disclaimer. No caveats. No terms and conditions.

You exist, and you are enough because of that. No one outside yourself needs to save you for you to be good enough. No one outside yourself needs to give you permission to be good enough. No one outside of yourself can make you good enough.

I wish I knew when I was 20 that I don’t have to keep seeking everyone’s approval to feel good enough. I already was good enough.

You are already good enough.

What I wish I knew doesn’t change the outcome.

You can’t go back and relive a portion of your life, but you can reframe how you think about it and, in that way, change what it means to you. I didn’t know any of these things in my 20s, but I know them now because of the lessons I learned along the way. Because I know these things now, they impact my life moving forward.

My twenties taught me the very things I wish I had known for my twenties, and in that way, it reframes every situation I experienced. What happened was happening for me, and now I get to take these lessons into my 30s, 40s, and beyond.